Mother's Guilt-Free Getaway: Why Retreats Aren't Selfish
It's Tuesday night and you're folding the third load of laundry while mentally planning tomorrow's lunches, remembering you forgot to respond to your child's teacher, and realizing you can't recall the last time you had five uninterrupted minutes to yourself. Then a friend mentions her upcoming wellness retreat, and your immediate reaction isn't excitement—it's guilt. "I could never leave my kids for that long," you think. "What kind of mother prioritizes herself?"
If this internal dialogue sounds familiar, you're experiencing what researchers call maternal guilt—a phenomenon so universal that it has its own body of scientific literature. But what if everything we've been taught about motherhood and self-sacrifice is actually harming both us and our children?
The Science Behind Mother Guilt
Research shows that mother guilt significantly impacts health-promoting behaviors, creating a cycle where mothers neglect their own wellbeing in the name of being "good mothers." This isn't just a personal failing—existing research indicates that women are more prone to feeling guilty than men and that this may be related to the evolutionary importance of mothering.
The pressure is real and measurable. Cultural expectations of extensive and perpetual high-quality maternal investment or the "motherhood myth" create impossible standards that leave mothers feeling inadequate no matter how much they give. Mothers often experience guilt, inadequacy, and self-doubt regarding their parenting abilities, even when they're doing an objectively excellent job.
What's particularly challenging is that this guilt often intensifies around self-care. In research, mothers reported feeling guilt due to prioritizing self-care, suggesting that the very thing that could help them be better mothers—taking care of themselves—becomes another source of shame and anxiety.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Self-Sacrifice
Here's what we don't talk about enough: chronically depleted mothers don't actually serve their families well. When you're running on empty, everything becomes harder—patience runs thin, creativity disappears, and that joyful presence your children need gets buried under exhaustion and resentment.
This behavior can lead to burnout and becoming physically unwell, creating a situation where mothers become less available to their families, not more. The irony is that in trying to be the perfect, always-available mother, many women end up becoming irritable, overwhelmed versions of themselves.
The pandemic made this even more pronounced. The number of ways a new mother could feel guilty multiplied by a million and a half, with added concerns about safety, schooling, and managing work-life balance in unprecedented circumstances.
Reframing Solo Time:
Investment, Not Indulgence
The shift in thinking starts with recognizing that taking care of yourself isn't separate from taking care of your family—it's foundational to it. Retreats encourage mums to enjoy healthy self-care activities that they might incorporate into their daily lives when they return home, such as yoga, meditation and nature walks.
Research supports this approach. A recent study reported improvements in spirituality, gratitude, self-compassion, and anxiety in women who participated in a 5-day resort-based program, demonstrating measurable benefits that extend far beyond the retreat experience itself.
When mothers return from retreat experiences, they often report:
Increased patience with their children's normal developmental behaviors
Better emotional regulation during family stress
Renewed creativity in problem-solving parenting challenges
Improved physical energy for active engagement with their families
Enhanced appreciation for their children and family life
The Ripple Effect: How Your Wellbeing Affects Your Children
Children are incredibly attuned to their mother's emotional state. When you're chronically stressed, depleted, or resentful, they feel it—even if you think you're hiding it well. Conversely, when you return from time that has genuinely restored you, children benefit from your renewed presence and emotional availability.
Solo experiences contribute to mental clarity and enhanced mindfulness, qualities that directly translate into more present, engaged parenting. Children learn more from what they observe than what they're told, and seeing a mother who values her own wellbeing teaches powerful lessons about self-respect and boundaries.
Practical Permission: Making It Work
The logistics of leaving for a retreat can feel overwhelming, but here's the truth: if you wait for the "perfect" time when everything is handled and everyone is fine without you, you'll never go. Children are remarkably adaptable, and partners often step up in ways that surprise everyone when given the opportunity.
In April 2017, 65% of female American travelers saw potential in wellness retreats for improving mental health, highlighting a growing interest. You're not alone in recognizing this need—you're part of a growing movement of mothers who understand that self-care isn't selfish.
Start small if needed. A weekend retreat might feel more manageable than a week-long program. A personal retreat has staying power compared to surface-level self-care activities, making even short retreats worthwhile investments.
The Permission You're Looking For
If you're reading this and feeling both drawn to and guilty about the idea of a solo retreat, consider this: your children need a mother who is emotionally healthy, physically energized, and mentally present more than they need a mother who never leaves their side.
The guilt you feel about prioritizing your wellbeing isn't serving anyone. Self-compassion may offer mothers a pathway to healthier choices that benefit the entire family. Your retreat time isn't time stolen from your children—it's an investment in the mother they deserve to have.
The airplane oxygen mask analogy exists for a reason: you can't take care of others if you haven't first taken care of yourself. Your family needs you healthy, rested, and emotionally available more than they need you physically present but mentally depleted.
Taking time for a solo retreat isn't abandoning your responsibilities as a mother—it's taking them seriously enough to ensure you can fulfill them from a place of strength rather than depletion. Your wellbeing matters, not just for your sake, but for everyone who depends on you.
References
PubMed. (2020). Understanding the role of mother guilt and self-compassion in health behaviors in mothers with young children. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31937201/
PMC. (2023). Postpartum Depression and Maternal Care: Exploring the Complex Effects on Mothers and Infants. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10400812/
PMC. (2023). Maternal Guilt. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10480956/
ResearchGate. (2021). Reviewing the experiences of maternal guilt – the "Motherhood Myth" influence. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/349415956_Reviewing_the_experiences_of_maternal_guilt_-_the_Motherhood_Myth_influence
PMC. (2020). The role of maternal self-care in new motherhood. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7081756/
Family Institute. Maternal Guilt and a Mom's Sense of Self. https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/maternal-guilt-and-moms-sense-self
ResearchGate. (2010). Maternal Guilt. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/230796725_Maternal_Guilt
PMC. (2017). Do Wellness Tourists Get Well? An Observational Study of Multiple Dimensions of Health and Well-Being After a Week-Long Retreat. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5312624/
Happetive. (2025). Mindful Solo Travel for Mental Health | Benefits of Traveling Alone. https://happetive.com/blogs/mental-health-blogs/mindful-solo-travel-mental-health
Shanti-Som. (2024). Why Mums Need to Retreat. https://www.shantisom.com/en/blog/why-mums-need-to-retreat/
theCityMoms. (2024). How to take a guilt-free mom retreat. https://thecitymoms.org/blog/take-a-personal-retreat
Sylvia Brafman Mental Health Center. (2025). Women's Wellness and Mental Health Retreat Center in South Florida. https://sylviabrafman.com/mental-health-programs/residential-treatment/florida-retreat/women/